4 Steps to Let Go of Something That's Not Going To Happen

Do you ever look at your life and think: “I didn’t think it would be this way”?

Sometimes that realization hurts.

It can feel like letting go of hope or desire. It can feel like you’ve disappointed yourself.

It can even feel like failure.

But it’s not.

Maybe part of your problem is that happiness always seems like something ahead.

“Once I live there….”

“Once I work that job….”

“Once I make that income…”

But here’s the truth. Happiness isn’t found in making a certain amount of money, living in a certain location, or working a specific job.

All of these can be good and wonderful, but if your whole life is spent chasing what is ahead of you…

…then you will never be happy where you are right now.

Maybe you should stop chasing happiness, and start creating it.

Maybe part of being happy is letting go of what you believe your life should look like and simply celebrating it for what it is.

One of my most liberating moments was realizing that I could let go of my expectations for where I thought I should be at this point in life and start embracing where I actually was.

After all, who is saying you should be in a certain spot anyway?

There’s no measuring stick. No guideline. No human rulebook for how your life plan is supposed to play out.

It’s just your expectations.

And I know that feels important—it is important. But maybe it’s just as important to learn when to let go of those expectations you are placing on yourself and live in the now.

Stop looking at the what-ifs and focus on what you already have.

What can you be thankful for here? At this very moment?

Does this sound like you?

• You tend to hold yourself to a high standard and can be very self-critical.
• You are competitive.
• You get impatient with yourself and others if you sense incompetence or inefficiency.
• You find your self-worth goes up and down with your productivity levels and accomplishments.
• You always have goals and are looking for the next challenge (and feel lost and depressed if you don’t have something to look forward to.)

If you answered yes to some or, most likely, all of these, then you probably have a Type A personality like me. (It happens to the best of us. I mean, is that what makes us the best? lol)

One of the reasons you might feel like you’re failing if you’re not exactly where you wanted to be at this point in your life is because you equate a lot of your self-worth to success and overcoming challenges.

To not have things go to plan isn’t just inconvenient or disappointing; it feels like a direct attack on your value as a person.

And that hurts.

But let me ask you something:

Remember when you were five years old, and planned to be a monkey trainer? (I’m not sure if that was your five-year-old dream job, but you get the picture.)

You had high hopes for something as a five-year-old, and those hopes and visions changed as you grew and changed as a person.

Are you failing at life now because you aren't living the dreams you had as a five-year-old?

Of course not.

Why?

Because as a five-year-old, you couldn’t possibly have comprehended where your life would take you twenty or thirty years later. You couldn’t have foreseen all that you would accomplish, all the significant ways you would grow and change as a person. You didn’t have a clear vision of the future for where you are now as an adult.

We might laugh at the five-year-old foibles, but what makes us think we have any clearer foresight into the future just because we’re grown-ups now?

Could you have really foreseen where you would be today, five (or three, or two) years ago?

If all your five-year-old dreams had come true, would you actually be happy as you are now?

Maybe happiness doesn’t come with monkey training (as cool as it may be), a new house,  a better income, or taking on every challenge you ever possibly dreamed of.

Maybe it comes with embracing where you are, how you are growing and living as a person, and knowing that where you are is okay.

You’re going to be okay.

How do you let go of something that’s just not going to happen? How do you become okay with a dream that didn’t come true?

 1. Identify Your Emotions

It’s easy to want to shove the uncomfortable feelings down to the deep dark recesses inside you, chug some caffeine, and pretend everything is okay.

But in order to let go, you have to understand why you’re holding on in the first place.

What are you feeling about where you are in life?

Is it boredom?

Unfulfillment?

Restlessness?

Loss?

Maybe you felt content not too long ago, even thrilled about where your life was headed… but now everything feels off. You’re no longer enthused or motivated. You have to drag yourself out of bed each day.

Pin down how you feel about your life direction to one or two baseline emotions. Then move on to Step 2.

2. Identify the Problematic Life Area

This is the area of your life where you’re feeling that emotion most. Is it your career or your relationship with your significant other? Is it where you live or that you’re struggling to pay the bills? Zero in on the area in your life that needs attention.

3. Brainstorm Ways You Can Counter That Emotion or Solve That Problem

You should find ways of countering the emotion/problem in a healthy and productive manner. Whether you decide to consult a life coach or engage in positive activities, ensure that your choice of action is constructive.

Here is a list of ideas I came up with:

• Don’t suppress your feelings. Learn to deal with them instead. (Therapy can be a helpful tool here as well!)
• Stay connected. Friends and family can offer different perspectives to overcome the funk.
• Talk about it. Share how you are feeling with a friend, family member, or professional. Be clear about what you are feeling, how you want to change it, and why.
• Divert your mind. Read a book, write a journal or blog, or take up painting. Set up a new goal or challenge to give yourself a sense of accomplishment.
• Pull yourself out of your rut, put on some music, and move! Head outdoors for a walk or jog (even just being outside can help get our minds out of a funk.)
• Let go of the expectations (yours and everyone else’s). Remember you cannot please everyone all the time. Listen to your needs and respect them.
• Treat yourself. Buy yourself a new dress, or head to the salon or spa. Or meet up with your friends. Do something fun or exciting for yourself that you’ve been putting off out of guilt or busyness.
• Put yourself first. Yes, it’s perfectly okay to do that. Take time out to care for yourself and prioritize your needs (and by doing that, you will be able to better care for others.)
• Come up with a feasible plan to change your life direction. Start putting aside savings to move, start sending in job applications, or take a course on how to govern your finances.

 4. Create a List of Things You Want to Do (That You Can Pursue Right Now!)

Narrow down on 1 or 2. Start there. Start simple. Maybe it’s hitting the gym, learning calligraphy, or even working for an NGO. List it down and commit to pursuing it no matter what.

The key is to pick something you can actually start pursuing today! Get rid of that ever elusive, I’ll be happy when I do this someday… Start doing things now! (And be happy doing them.)

At the end of the day…

…living a fulfilled life isn’t merely about doing more. Rather, it’s about doing more of the right things.

Some things that can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction include:

• Not understanding your purpose.
• Not recognizing your potential
• Not letting go of restrictive beliefs.
• Not living in the present moment.
• Not seeing your worth or value as something separate from your achievements.
• Not seeking happiness and contentment in the here and now.

Tyche Tips to keep in mind if you're feeling stuck

Ø Learn to say no

Ø Take time to invest in yourself

Ø Consider a career pivot versus change

Ø Embrace the present and teach yourself to live in the now

Ø Practice gratefulness

Reach Out

If shaking up your career is on the list, or getting out of a relationship rut, check out my blogs or get in touch with me and let’s talk about how I can help!

P.S. Seriously. Reach out to me. Start moving the needle and get going with your life whether it is a career transition or working through your inability to let go of the past. Set up a 60-minute Power Hour with me during which we'll take a deep dive into the topic (s) of your choosing and come up with a game plan for you to move forward.